Friday, January 6, 2012

Other things I want

I want the belt.  I want searing stripes across my bare bottom, so many that they cease being stripes and become one, enveloping me in white hot throbbing pain.  Pain that goes deep inside me.  I want the cane, making me fly, allowing me to lose myself in the wonderful intensity of each stroke.  Knowing that I will have amazing cane marks that I will be able to look at for days afterward.  Marks that will remind me every time I sit down.  There are so many things I want.  To be spanked hard and fast until I lose all control and sob into the pillow, all stress and worry, all the bad leaving my body so that I become relaxed and mellow to the point of not being able to move.  I want it to hurt to sit for a week, which won't stop me from sitting.  On the contrary, I will find reasons to sit, so it reminds me of the spankings that caused it to hurt to sit.  I want all those things, and I want more.  Long slow spankings, building and building, until I become conflicted between wanting to get away from each spank and wanting so many more of them.  I want to feel as though everyone can tell that I've been spanked just by looking at me, which will cause me to smile.  I will know that they don't really know, but it will spark their curiosity, and they will wonder why I smile.      

Sunday, January 1, 2012

New Year's Post-Fantasy Time

I've had one fantasy running through my head lately.  The concept has always fascinated me, because it's hot.  G. decides he has to punish me. 

"Come here," he says, with that look he gives me when he means business.

I walk over to him, and I know something's up, because he's standing by the bed.  That look and that tone of voice, when he's standing by the bed never turns out well for my bottom. 

"I'm going to punish you," he says.

"Why," I ask, my mind going over everything I've done or said recently.

"Do I need a reason," he asks, his right eyebrow going up.

"No, sir," I say, suddenly meek, which makes the sir come out automatically.

"I didn't think so," he says.  "I can, so I will."

"Yes, sir," I say, afraid to make things worse for myself. 

"Let's get these out of the way," he says as he reaches for the waistband of my jeans, pulling me closer, and unbuttons them.  As the zipper comes down, he tugs them down altogether, followed quickly by my panties. 

"But..." I say, forgetting myself in my panic.

"But what?  You're getting spanked because I've decided you need to be punished.  You know deep down there are things you've been able to get away with, so don't even pretend you don't deserve this," he says.

I know it's true, there are things he doesn't even know about, things he's known about and forgotten about, just things I should be spanked for.  He knows, and he's right.  But to have him decide not to make it for any one thing, just because he can, makes it hot and scary at the same time.  My stomach does flips, not knowing what to expect. 

He pushes me down on the bed, which gives me that scared/thrilled feeling, and then I hear the sound.  The sound of his belt buckle.  Now I know he's really going to punish me.  I love the belt, but I know he means business when he uses it for punishment.  I don't dare look back at him, because I don't really want to see what's coming. 

The first smack of the belt takes me by surprise.  It's hard, really hard, and the second comes so fast behind it that it takes my breath away.  It's punishment, that's how it goes, hard, and too fast for me to get used to it.  It breaks me fast, within six hard smacks I start crying, and by ten I'm crying a lot.  He doesn't want to spank me for a long time, he wants to make sure that it does the job.  He wants it to break me so that I'm willing to be a good girl again.  I'm submissive after a punishment spanking.  For a while, and he tries to take advantage of that to make sure I promise to be good, to do what I should.  The promises are made, broken through my tears and choked sobs.  He doesn't stop spanking because I start crying.  He keeps spanking until he knows I've given up.  When I've stopped fighting it, when I surrender to him finally.  That's when he stops.  He always knows when it's time to stop.  

I want this to happen.  It's a new year, and I want this.  It's been so long since we've been able to really explore our punishment dynamic.  Hopefully he wants to do it too.  I haven't talked to him about it yet, but we've been ramping up the spanking talk, so I'm hoping to get to it soon.