Saturday, March 10, 2012

I need an attitude adjustment

I know, normally we don't admit to something like that.  We're supposed to act all innocent when a Top tells us that we need an attitude adjustment, as though we have no idea what they're talking about.  We normally act as though it's an insult because we always behave.  Well, It's been too damn long since I've been spanked.  G. spanked me in October, but that was five months ago.  Since then I've been able to do maybe two short spanking sessions on my own, neither of which were enough, and even that was a couple months ago.  Nobody ever leaves the damn house at the same time, which means that somebody else is always home.  I need time to myself sometimes, but I can't seem to get it these days.  I need one of my old Saturday morning 3 hour spanking sessions.  Not getting spanked the whole time, of course, but all activities centered on punishment.  It helps me refocus on what I should be doing.  I get into a certain kind of mindset and it gets me to stop being so scattered.  At this point I can't focus on much of anything, and my bossiness is coming back out to mess with things.  I'm something of a control freak, but if I get spanked enough, I seem to be able to control it.  Not lately though, it's screwing up the works.  I need G. to take charge again for a little while, to get me back to where I need to be, at least in this one area.  I need to be spanked, hard.  I need him to tell me what will happen because I've become bossy again.  It's something that just happens, I don't realize it until I'm in the middle of it, and then it's next to impossible to pull back from it because I get in that mood where I need the control.  G. had me out of it for a while, but things are stressful here these days, and I don't tell him about it most of the time.  It's causing problems between me and Mom, so I need to get it under control again.

This isn't a fun post, or a sexy post, but it needs to be written.  I've had this underlying mood lately, and it's getting on my nerves.  I don't do well when I have to be the grown up ALL the time.  I learned that when I was married and my then husband was NEVER the adult, which meant I had to be.  I've been the adult for long enough now.  I need to be taken in hand again for a little while.  Just long enough to get some balance back in my universe because there's none right now.  I know that I need to be spanked right now, even if I have to do it myself.  I also need G. to scold me some, to get me to think about what the hell I've been doing.  My frustration levels are high, and that's what pushes the control freak to do stupid things.


lunargirl said...

You know, I have pretty much the same problem, only I have the person who can solve it living right under the same roof! Talk about frustrating. LOL.

It happens for all of us, I think. In my case there have been pregnant teenager in and out of the house, family having surgery, major natural disaster, and lets not forget that four letter word...W-O-R-K...With both of us putting in about 50-70 hours a week, we can only think of sleep once we get home.

I hope you get what you need very soon. This was an honest and very brave post, and it says what we all feel, in one way or another, from time to time.



Jen said...

Thanks! I thought about how you can't get what you want because of lack of time and not being alone either, so I was trying not to write "Oh poor me". I know I'm not the only one who has this problem. It didn't used to be this bad, because I had Saturday mornings if nothing else, but that's been nonexistent for over a year now, and I miss it so much. Also, G.'s been distracted by his own stuff, so he hasn't been thinking about this much. I miss that too. Things just need to get reorganized.

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to say that I enjoyed reading your posting, even though I don't really understand the needs and urges you, and others, express to have someone else in control, even for awhile. I find it fascinating and work to understand it.


Jen said...

Barrister, I can understand how you don't get how some of us want somebody to be in charge, even temporarily. I don't want somebody in charge for the most part, but once in a while if things are total chaos, or there's something I'm having trouble figuring out how to fix on my own, I need a little help. G. was really good with it early on when I needed it more often, so he's the perfect person to ask for this time.

Serenity Everton said...

You're in a mood, hm?

Go ahead, have a tantrum. I think it helps. Seriously, when spanking isn't immediately available, we have to work out alternatives, even if they aren't perfect.

I hope you've found something to help you cope, I'm thinking about you.


Jen said...

There are times when my frustration levels build up slowly so that I don't realize at first how bad it gets. This post was one of those times, so yeah, I was in a mood. G. will hopefully help me out, when I find out if he's read the post!

Newt said...

See, this is why I want you to blog more often.
You think you have nothing to say.... But you do and its meaningful. If not a titch snarky, but that's how we roll.
I think "G" needs a wake up nudge
to get the brat back in line.

Hey G, *Kicks*!

A Jen with a tude, could be a dangerous thing. Why think of the possibilities. Chaos and Mayhem, loss of world order, consumption of chocolate sea salt caramels and copious amounts of wine.

Sometimes some of us need a sharp slap in the ear *Phone* spank metaphor. G needs to get his growl on.
Blog more Jen. this was straight from the heart and it showed.
Hugs from the Newt

Jen said...

Yeah, me on a rampage is never a good thing. Total chaos and mayhem! LOL Haven't done that in a long time.

As far as posting more, I so rarely play these days that even my fantasy life suffers! I should try to think of things, but real life gets in the way so often. I did try to get G. to guest blog, but he hasn't said yes OR no. I figured he could fill in the blank spots!