I know, normally we don't admit to something like that. We're supposed to act all innocent when a Top tells us that we need an attitude adjustment, as though we have no idea what they're talking about. We normally act as though it's an insult because we always behave. Well, It's been too damn long since I've been spanked. G. spanked me in October, but that was five months ago. Since then I've been able to do maybe two short spanking sessions on my own, neither of which were enough, and even that was a couple months ago. Nobody ever leaves the damn house at the same time, which means that somebody else is always home. I need time to myself sometimes, but I can't seem to get it these days. I need one of my old Saturday morning 3 hour spanking sessions. Not getting spanked the whole time, of course, but all activities centered on punishment. It helps me refocus on what I should be doing. I get into a certain kind of mindset and it gets me to stop being so scattered. At this point I can't focus on much of anything, and my bossiness is coming back out to mess with things. I'm something of a control freak, but if I get spanked enough, I seem to be able to control it. Not lately though, it's screwing up the works. I need G. to take charge again for a little while, to get me back to where I need to be, at least in this one area. I need to be spanked, hard. I need him to tell me what will happen because I've become bossy again. It's something that just happens, I don't realize it until I'm in the middle of it, and then it's next to impossible to pull back from it because I get in that mood where I need the control. G. had me out of it for a while, but things are stressful here these days, and I don't tell him about it most of the time. It's causing problems between me and Mom, so I need to get it under control again.
This isn't a fun post, or a sexy post, but it needs to be written. I've had this underlying mood lately, and it's getting on my nerves. I don't do well when I have to be the grown up ALL the time. I learned that when I was married and my then husband was NEVER the adult, which meant I had to be. I've been the adult for long enough now. I need to be taken in hand again for a little while. Just long enough to get some balance back in my universe because there's none right now. I know that I need to be spanked right now, even if I have to do it myself. I also need G. to scold me some, to get me to think about what the hell I've been doing. My frustration levels are high, and that's what pushes the control freak to do stupid things.