Saturday, March 17, 2012

I deserve a spanking

I've been a bad girl.  There are things I don't tell, things that would get me spanked if known.  I deserve to be spanked, hard.  No, very hard, with a belt, until sitting is something I don't want to do.  I want marks and bruises on my bare bottom to remind me what happens to bad girls.  To have my pants and panties yanked down, and to be pushed down on the bed as that scared/thrilled feeling floods me.  To hear the belt whistle through belt loops, knowing that it's only a matter of seconds before it whips down on my vulnerable bare bottom.  To feel the leather smack down hard so many times that I lose track of the number and of time.  To have so many land that I can still feel it against my bottom even after it's over.  To sob so hard that it drains everything from me, and I'm willing to surrender to it and the pain.  To be comforted afterward, and forgiven.  To be told that I'm a good girl again, and to believe it because I will have paid the price. 

Until then I am a bad girl, and I deserve a long, hard spanking. 


Serenity Everton said...

You may need and deserve a spanking. I won't argue that. You also deserve to be a good girl. I hope so much you will feel like a good girl soon enough.


Jen said...

It was part fiction, part fact. Sitting on the mat inspires thoughts, ya know? LOL

Newt Kai said...

You want a spanking. Not just need or deserve, You want. You are finding your voice again. That is beautiful Jen.

People forget how deeply ingrained this kink is. I love how you embrace it and explain it from your perspective. The mat kills me, but makes me happy that it works for you. Remember I was here to learn. It is all a part of the experience.
Speaking of which. Suitor purchased a cheery blue mat with birds on it.... for the front door....Its a mat like urs, and will live outside.

Jen said...

Newt, the mat works for me in place of what I really want, because I haven't found anybody who can make it for me! I chose it years ago when I was still learning what I wanted and needed in this kink of ours. I've embraced it with everything in me since then, and I own it despite the fact that people have said it's because of what happened in childhood. They don't understand that I have this in SPITE of what happened. It may have turned it in certain directions, but it was there from the beginning, in my DNA. It's mine, always and forever.

I'm glad that you're learning your wants and needs in this. Suit's mat should stay outside!

RedBottomGal said...

This is so long ago this post so you are all long gone from this and you Jen as well but it is such a miracle that I have found this eloquence of spanking described. I had woken and stumbling to the computer put in words that I now can't remember. It all brings it back so clearly, what spanking means to me, just that word circumspect, wholesome almost, this wonderful cruelty that I share with others, that I share with you, that you've shared with me, Jen.

Jen said...

I have a new blog now, at The same old stuff, with some new stuff added, though it's been months since I've written anything!

Jen said...

Red, I'm glad you liked it so much! Sometimes it takes somebody else to show us what it is we've been feeling but couldn't articulate on our own. That happens to me all the time.