Saturday, July 23, 2011

A Need Fulfilled-Part One

I forgot about this story.  I wrote it a couple years ago, but never used it for anything.  It's long, so I have to post it in parts.  It's fiction, but it's written in the first person.

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From early on I knew that I lacked something. A strong female figure, willing to take charge. Even though outwardly I followed the rules, internally I was missing the guidance, and I craved it. I had always been thrilled by the thought of being spanked, but it never happened, not with my permissive upbringing. My hopes rose when I entered the scene, finding people to spank me, because there were women who spanked other women. I didn't act on my inclination for a long time, because there always seemed to be something holding me back. The time didn't seem right, or the women I met weren't the right type. It seemed I always found an excuse. That was until I met Kate.

I first saw her at a party. It was impossible not to notice her, she was sitting in the middle of the room spanking a younger woman. She had the woman over her knee, and she had this maternal air about her, caring but stern. The longing rose up in me again, watching the scene, and I wanted to be the one over her knee, being scolded and spanked. She was saying all the things I had always fantasized that a mother would say to a misbehaving daughter. It sent a shiver through me, and I couldn't look away. When the scene was over, Kate hugged the woman, whose name I didn't know, and the younger woman had a very content look on her face, even after what had seemed like a very intense scene.

I stood where I was, afraid to move, afraid to approach Kate. She seemed so formidable, and it still seemed like too large a risk, even with my need prodding me to take that risk. It wasn't that I was afraid that she wouldn't want to spank me, because obviously she had no problem spanking women. I just didn't know her very well, and I didn't know if she wanted to deal with someone who placed so much importance on a mother/daughter scenario. There was so much emotion involved in it for me that I thought it could possibly make her uncomfortable.

"Hi Sarah. I saw you watching when I was spanking Julie," I heard a voice behind me say.

I turned, and there was Kate. I had been so deep in thought that I hadn't noticed her approach me. "Oh yeah, well I think we all were. It was impressive," I said.

"I think you were watching more intently than most," Kate said, "as if you wanted to be where Julie was."

I panicked, and couldn't look her in the eye. Was I that obvious? I felt as thought I had a huge sign plastered across my body that said, "I need a woman to spank me" in foot tall letters.

"I know the look, dear," Kate said, acknowledging my thoughts.

She was much taller than me, and it was like a child looking up into a mother's face when I met her gaze. Up close I could tell that she was a good two decades older than me, but that only helped fuel my longing. Not just her mouth smiled at me, her eyes seemed to as well. I suddenly felt at ease, and forgot all about my panic. I wanted to tell her everything about my desire to be taken in hand by a strong woman who knew how to deal with a naughty girl, even if that "girl" was in her thirties. It came out as a jumble, and neither of us understood what I was trying to tell her.

She put her hand on my arm, stopping me mid ramble. "Why don't we find a quieter place to talk, and then you can tell me everything."

I could only nod and follow her to the far corner of the room, where we sat at an unoccupied table. "Now, take a deep breath, and let's try to make sense of that jumble you were trying to tell me," Kate said.

I did as she said, trying to slow my breathing down enough to talk. Now that I had the chance, I didn't want to mess it up.

"I've always been into spanking, but my parents raised me very permissively. I've always wanted a strong woman to take me in hand, to help me fix the things about me that need fixing. I thought there wasn't much chance of it happening, but when I watched you spanking Julie, I wanted to be in her place. I felt stuck where I was, like I was seeing my own future. I want it to be my future, but I wasn't sure how to ask you," I said, getting calmer the longer I talked.

"Now that I understood. I think I can help you. If your childhood was as permissive as you think it was, then we have a lot of work to do. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run. You have to have self discipline to get ahead in life, and if you didn't learn it through discipline as a child, there's no way you'd have it as an adult," Kate said, as if this new situation was already arranged. "Tell me what areas of your life you're having the most problem with, and we'll work on those first."

I was stunned. I hadn't expected her to agree so easily. I thought I would have to beg and plead, at least a little. "Well," I stammered, all nervous again. "I never seem to be able to get anything done on time, so deadlines at work are next to impossible. I can't seem to keep my spending under control, so all of my credit cards are maxed out most of the time. I eat all wrong, when I remember to eat at all, and I don't sleep unless I'm so exhausted that I end falling asleep on my couch almost every night. I'm a mess."

Kate sat silently for a few minutes. I started thinking that I had scared her, that I was too much to deal with. I already thought of myself as a hopeless case, so it was easy to think she did too. When she finally spoke, it was a surprise.

"First things first. We need to get you on a regular sleep schedule. Nothing in your life will go the way it's supposed to until your mind is clear, and it can't be when you don't sleep. That means a strict bedtime until you learn to go to sleep when you should. It may take a while, and I'm not expecting perfection, but if you break the rule, you will be spanked," she said firmly.

A scared thrill went through my entire body. This was something straight out of my dreams, but it was real. I couldn't believe she was agreeing, and taking charge so fast. It was more than I could have hoped for. But could I follow rules? I never had before, at least not with any regularity. I wanted to though, because my life was becoming ridiculously out of control.

"Okay," I said finally. "If you're willing to help me, I would be stupid to pass up the chance. How do we start? How will you make sure I'm following the rules?"

"We start now. From here on out, I'm in charge, at least as much as you've put me in charge. I'll know whether you're following the rules or not because you're going to tell me. Once a week, on Fridays, you'll call me and give me a report on how things have been going. If there are any transgressions, you'll tell me about them, and we'll meet on Sunday to deal with them," Kate said, all business.

"You mean I'm supposed to tell on myself," I asked.

"Exactly," Kate said,"because you want this, and the part of you that wants this will tell me if you break the rules. It may not make any sense now, but in time it will. If you're really as serious about turning your life around as you say you are, you'll do it."

"I am serious, it just seems weird for me to tell you when I need to be punished, because I've spent my life avoiding that," I said.

"Which is why you asked me to help. You've never been held accountable for anything, but that's about to change," Kate answered, getting up from the table. "Now I think you should experience a little of what's in store for you."

I stood up, not knowing what was about to happen. We left the room, and went out into the hallway. We walked a short way to her room, which was down the hall from the room where the party was being held. She took me by the hand, led me to the bed, and sat down on the edge of it. She positioned me in front of her, gave me a questioning look, and I nodded. The next thing I knew, I was across her lap. I had no idea how she'd managed to do it so easily. I did know that I was staring at the carpet, about to be spanked.

She started slowly, flipping up my skirt and spanking my panty covered bottom with her hand. The smacks were deliberate, but not hard. I could tell she was holding back, because I had seen her spanking Julie with much more force. She covered my entire bottom with smacks. Just as the heat built to a stinging feeling, I felt her reach into the waistband of my panties and pull them down. I had a momentary feeling of dread and panic, and tensed up.

"Don't be silly, Sarah, I have to spank your bare bottom. Relax," Kate said.

The panic left me, and with my panties down around my knees, she continued the spanking. I didn't know if it was the lack of protection or if she was spanking harder, but there was a definite difference in what I was feeling. That mild sting was building in intensity, and her hand felt more like a paddle than a hand. I started squirming, and she tightened her grip around my waist. Suddenly her focus went from spanking all of my bottom to my sit spots and thighs, and with much more force. My squirming turned to struggling, which seemed to make her more determined. Sounds came out of me that I don't remember having ever made before, and then I noticed the tears. I'd never cried from any spanking in a scene, and couldn't believe it was happening now. Soon the tears turned to sobs, at my feelings of helplessness and frustration of not being able to get free. I cried like I had never cried before, but the spanking continued. The crying was tiring me out, and eventually I couldn't keep up the fight and just slumped in defeat, accepting whatever she gave. She slowed the smacks then, and then stopped completely. The spanking might have been over, but I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't see through the tears, the carpet was a blur. I felt her rub my back, and it helped calm me down. She pulled my panties back up, and helped me up, sitting me next to her on the bed. Without thinking, I put my head on her shoulder, and she put her arm around me. I didn't know what possessed me to do that, I just suddenly felt very connected to her, and she didn't seem to mind.

"Feel better," she asked.

"Yes ma'am," I said.

Where did that come from, I wondered. It surprised me, because I hadn't planned on saying it. I'd never said that to anyone in my entire life. I didn't say Sir or Ma'am, it went against everything I was. I wasn't raised to say it, and had never seen the need for it, and here I was, saying it unbidden.

"I'm glad," Kate said.

I raised my head to look at her. "I've never called anyone ma'am before," I told her.

"You've never had anyone take control of you before, so you never felt the need to," she said,"so maybe it's more natural to you than you think, if it happened so easily."

"Maybe you're right. You don't mind," I asked.

"Of course not. I never demand it, so if it happens, I know that it's heartfelt," she said, with that same smile in her eyes that I saw earlier.

"We need to decide on a bedtime for you now," she continued,"something that will allow you to get a normal amount of sleep from now on. What time do you get up in the morning for work?"

"My alarm goes off at 7:30, but then I hit the snooze alarm a few times and end up getting up at the last minute. I barely get to work on time," I admitted.

"Then you need to go to bed early enough so that you're not hitting that snooze alarm. I think that 11:30 on work nights should do it," Kate said.

"11:30! That's too early! I couldn't get to sleep till midnight at least," I complained.

She pulled me towards her by my arm, which lifted me off the bed, and gave my bottom a hard smack.

"Ow! Sorry," I said, chastened.

"Good, you're learning. The 11:30 bedtime is only for work nights. What you do on the weekends is up to you, because you don't have to get up early. When you get to the point where you can wake up with your alarm and not be tired all the time on work days, then we'll talk about changing it," Kate said.

"I guess," I said," it just seems so early."

"When you get used to it you won't think it's so early," Kate said.

"What if something comes up and there's something I want to stay up late for," I asked.

"Then you can call and tell me what it is, and ask if you can stay up later. It's always better to ask permission first than to ask for forgiveness later," Kate said, not allowing for arguments.

"I think I can live with that," I said,"as long as there's room for exceptions."

We exchanged phone numbers and she gave me her address, and I agreed to call her the next Friday, which was a little less than a week away.

"Then it's settled. Let's go back to the party now," Kate said, standing up and going to the door.

I followed, and we went back to join the party, but I felt different somehow. Quieter, more settled. I kept watching Kate for the rest of the night, in admiration and respect for her style and her strength. She had impressed me more than I had realized at first.

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