Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Feeling Guilty

After thinking about that audio clip that I avoided for two years, and knowing what he was trying to do with it, I've been feeling slightly guilty.  It makes me feel like I deserve the spankings I've been getting, even though I have to do them myself.  Sunday I was able to have a decently long session, over half an hour, and I used many implements.  My bottom hurt for the rest of the day, and when I got to do a few minutes with the new toy yesterday, I could tell that my bottom was still sore from Sunday.  There are still some sore spots on my bottom, which reminds me that I've been punished for something I feel guilty about.  I haven't talked to him about it yet, that won't come until tomorrow, but having been spanked makes me feel a little bit better about things.  Hopefully he'll make me sit on the mat tomorrow night on the phone, like he did for an hour on Sunday night. 

Back about seven years ago, I felt so guilty about something that I kept pushing him to ratchet up the punishments he was already giving me for something else.  That's when we found out that embarrassment works so well on me in punishment situations.  I felt I deserved to have people see my very spanked bare bottom, and even though it didn't happen, just the idea that it could, and that it was all part of my punishment, helped my guilt, even though it took a good part of that summer.  Being punished by him in person ALWAYS gets rid of any guilt I feel, but the long distance punishments take a while to work.  My guilt isn't all that bad this time, so I'm pretty sure a few more spankings and some more mat time should do the trick.  Talking to him tomorrow will also help.  It always does.  He'll just consider the extra spankings to be a bonus. : )

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Well, guilt is a powerful motivator and can drive us to accept all sorts of punishment. As long as the punishment expiates your guilt, then all will be well. I hope you get what you want/need.

Barrister

Jen said...

I will. G. knows me well enough to know how to make me stop feeling guilty. Any mat time and spankings will be a bonus for HIM of course. :)