Monday, July 4, 2011

Being Stubborn

Earlier today I finally got a free zip program.  There was an audio clip that G. had sent me along with the others a couple years ago that I had ignored because it wasn't about spanking or anything.  It was about math, which I hate, mostly because I can't do it.  I was good with math until 3rd grade when we had to memorize the multiplication tables.  It didn't totally do me in, but it slowed me down.  I did much better with fractions and things like that.  By 5th grade we were into subjects that were getting me farther and farther into a hole, and being emotionally crippled didn't help my self esteem in this area.  By 8th grade I pretty much stopped paying attention and looked out the window daydreaming instead.  I barely passed Fundamentals of Algebra in 9th grade, and my second semester teacher told me that I got all the steps down for the problems, but my math was no good.

So of course I got a Top who's a math brainiac. LOL  It wasn't planned, but he's been adamant over the years about my learning the higher math that I've been avoiding for the past 30+ years.  I think because of my past stubbornness, and the fact that we live so far apart, he had given up on the idea, because we haven't really talked about it in a long time.  The audio clip brought it all back though, and I wrote him an email telling him that I'm willing to try again.  He sounded so angry in the clip, and I've only heard him like that a couple other times in the whole twelve years that I've known him.  It wasn't what he said that told me, it was his tone.  He can be very authoritative in what he says, and I know he means business, but when he's truly angry it's the only time he can make me cry without it being from a spanking.

I know I've been stubborn about avoiding math, mostly because it's just so much work for me to learn it.  I'm not stupid, not by a long shot, but my past attempts have made me reticent to try again.  I don't do well with failure, being something of a control freak, but if that's what he really wants, I'm going to give it another try.  He's much more stubborn than I am, so we'll see how long it takes before I bend and really give it my all.


thiskinkylife said...

Forced to learn math? That really is torture! A tone of voice can say so much more than the words being spoken, though.


Jen said...

Yeah, I've been spanked often enough by him for refusing that I should know better. LOL The tone in the audio clip really surprised me. At first, what he SAID ticked me off, but then I really listened, and I realized that what he said was just to make his point. What he really meant was in his tone.