Friday, June 3, 2011

A Kinky activity I'd like to try

I have once again run out of ideas for blog posts, so going back to the 30 days of kink plan.  This one I've been kicking around for a while.  Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

That's definitely ageplay.  I've done some superficial play, some on the phone, and one roleplay scene that wasn't as deep as I might have wanted it, because the age difference wasn't stressed all that much.  I'd like to explore it more fully, because the one scene I did on the phone was so amazing that it made me cry by the end of it.  I want to do that in person, to feel the safety and fulfillment that only physical proximity can give.  My childhood didn't offer the kind of safety a girl is supposed to feel with her father, which may be why I want to experience a scene with somebody who is comfortable with playing Daddy or uncle, even to a teenage me.  If possible I'd like a chance to play younger, but it's not essential.  It's the feelings that an ageplay scene can evoke more than wanting to be a little girl.  I've fantasized about both kinds, so either would work for me.  I know what a good Daddy is supposed to be like, even if I've never actually experienced that in real life.  I want to experience it, I want to feel safe in Daddy's arms after I've been spanked and forgiven.  I could get into just how bad things were in my childhood, that I never experienced the second part of that, and never knew that it was supposed to be part of the equation.  That you NEED to be forgiven afterwards, because if you aren't, then you just start believing that you really are a bad girl.  It took years to unlearn that, but I succeeded, and now that I'm a whole, strong, confident woman in my own right, I want to have the second part of the equation.  I want a loving Daddy or uncle to spank me because it's what's best for me in whatever situation we decide to roleplay, and then to forgive me and tell me I'm a good girl again.  To hug me and make me feel like even though I misbehaved, it doesn't make me a bad girl forever, just until I've been punished. 

I do like the idea of playing at being a little girl at least once, to just let go of all the grown up parts of my psyche that I've acquired over the past four decades.  To trust somebody enough to know that they would keep me safe, even if it includes a very red, very sore bare bottom.  I've talked about it, but haven't had the ability to actually live it yet.  One day I'm going to, it just might take a little time to work out the logistics. 

  

4 comments:

thiskinkylife said...

I like the idea of some sort of age play in theory, in that I think I would enjoy the feeling of being cared for and safe that is somehow tied into childhood for me.

I enjoy the concept of a father figure, from time to time, but can't quite seem to reconcile it with thoughts of my actual father. He's perfectly nice, but I don't want him anywhere near my kink :) Lately I've been leaning toward a guardian in my fantasies.

I hope you get to explore this more and, of course, share all the details when you do!

Abel1234 said...

This is a very brave, very touching and very powerfully-written post. I hope you find the right person with whom to experience this sort of play safely and with the necessary caring and absolute trust.

Jen said...

I think that BECAUSE I didn't have the typical nice father, that it allows me to connect the idea of a "Daddy" into my fantasies without getting weirded out about it. If I ever get to do it, I'll definitely blog about it!

Jen said...

Thank you Abel. I'm hoping that at some point G. and I get to do at least a teenager caught skipping school type scene, which we've talked about. He was the person I did the phone scene with about a decade ago. If there's anybody who can give me what I need in that kind of situation, it's him. The only problem is that in person it's trickier to actually do roleplay for some reason.