Sunday, May 8, 2011

When did you discover you were kinky?

This is another of the 30 Days of Kink topics, and it got me thinking.  I've always known there was something different about me.  The problem is, I'm older and didn't have real access to the internet until I was in my 30's.  It was the '90's, and this wondrous thing called the internet was starting to open up the world to us.  Until then, at least when I a teenager, and in my early 20's, I thought that there was something wrong with me, because people around me didn't think the things I did, or do the things I did.  I remember being four years old and watching the Little Rascals on tv, HOPING for one of the films where one or more of the kids got spanked.  I didn't know why, I just knew that watching those movies gave me this weird feeling inside, and it was good.  Back then I didn't think there was anything wrong with me, that came later.  I just knew it was something to keep to myself.  In one movie, one of the kids put a book down the back of their pants because they knew they were going to get spanked, and I decided I had to try that.  The feeling of that hardcover Little Golden book against my bare bottom gave me a thrill like nothing else had ever done.  I did it in secret whenever I could, and it was great.  This is how I know I'm hard-wired for being a spanko, because it started so early and so definitively.  I looked up the word spanking in the dictionary, at school and at home.  Before the age of ten I convinced friends to play a version of house which included spanking.  I fantasized about spanking from an early age.  If I had grown up in the internet age, I would've always known I was kinky, and I would've had a much better image of myself because I would've known that there were all those other people out there who felt the same way.  As it was, when I was 34, I found my first newsgroup, and suddenly realized that all these other people had the same thoughts and feelings as I did, and that the same things that turned them on turned me on.  It was a liberating moment for me.  I envy kids now, because they can learn so much earlier that what they do isn't sick and twisted, even as much as we still have to hide what we do.  They can still find all this stuff online to let them know they're not alone.    

7 comments:

Abel1234 said...

Oh, how I can relate to this. *Such* similar experiences here: being worried about this weird interest, keeping it hidden, discovering the SSS newsgroup in the 90s, in my 30s.

And also, then, an interest in spanking from the earliest age. My parents even went to the pre-school nursery I attended to see why I was talking so much about the lady running it, who carried a large stick. They were worried from how much I talked about it that she caned the kids; she absolutely didn't, just had a bad hip!

Jen said...

I think that a lot of people our age went through the same kinds of feelings about what we do. When you watched tv shows or movies with other people, especially family, and a spanking reference or scene came up, did you cringe inside, thinking that they could just TELL that your interest was piqued? Once I was older, If I knew ahead of time that something like that was coming, I'd find a reason to be out of the room if possible. I'd also try to watch it again at another time by myself! I also loved finding spanking references in books. When I was four years old, I had a book called Bedtime for Frances. In it the father threatened her with a spanking if she didn't go to bed RIGHT NOW. Also had a great version of Mother Goose where the Old Woman held a kid across her and was spanking them with a bundle of sticks. The other kids were in various stages of being upset, some clutching their bottoms. I looked at that picture ALL the time.

Abel1234 said...

Cringed, undeniably...! And yes, the books with spanking references were all well-thumbed, and conveniently fell open on the right pages...

Jen said...

I think we all ended up with very good reflexes back then, to be able to change the channel or close a book REALLY fast if we heard footsteps. LOL Always worried about getting caught, even though we were the only ones who knew what we were looking at. I know, because when my mom did find out finally when I was in my 30's, she'd had absolutely no idea before that.

Anonymous said...

I started playing spanking games with the little girl next door when we were 5 years old. It seemed normal to both of us. When we got caught and both got spanked for it, the die was cast! I started playing bondage games when I was 8 or 8 years old. That seemed weirder to me, and I fretted about that. When I was old enough to start masturbating, it was always to images and thoughts of spanking or tying someone up and spanking them. It was usually one of the Mousekettiers from the Micky Mouse club - Darlene or Annette. Every girl friend I had through high school was a potential spankee to me, but I never got to do more than a few panty-clad spanks and none appeared into it.

In university the small town where my school was located, had, in the bus depot, a small section of BDSM and spanking magazines and books -most of which I still have - and then, for the first time, I knew I wasn't alone. I never really worried about not being normal, I just accepted it, but I was happy to see the books because I figured if someone went to the trouble of making books and magazines, there must be money in it which meant that there were a lot more people like me.

I never met any of them until I was an adult, in my 30s, when one of the women I was involved with asked me to tie her up, spank her and then do anal things to her. My, my, my.

Then, of course, as Abel has pointed out, came the ASS/SSS newsgroup and meeting all of you wonderful perverts including my wife, Bonnie.

Praise be to the Internet.

Barrister aka Larry

Jen said...

I remember finding one of our local free newspapers and finding the section of people looking for kinky people. But I had been convinced early on that it still wasn't normal. When I was a kid, my mom took an Abnormal Psychology college class, which was back in the early 70's. In on chapter it had a section about ads like that, and one of them was a woman looking for a "Daddy" to spank her. I loved reading it, but it also upset me to think that something that I liked so much was seen as "abnormal". Maybe if I'd had a more normal reading level and hadn't been able to read a college level text book at the age of 8 or 9, I might have had a better image of myself as a spanko.

sixofthebest said...

I was a schoolboy in England, and one day I had erotic thoughts of wanting to spank one of my female teachers. I wanted to bend her over her front desk, raise her dress waist high, take down her knicker's, and delightfully cane her bare bottom. I still to this day, have this beautiful fantasy dream.