Thursday, May 26, 2011

For lack of other muses, another 30 days of kink topic

This caught my eye when I was looking at the 30 day list again.  What misconception about kinky people would you most like to clear up?  I think that we're sick and twisted, that something had to have happened when we were children to "make us want to be hit or want to hit people".  Some people think of us almost on the level of pedophiles.  They don't realize that we want to do things with other consenting adults, and of the ones who DO know that, they still think that nobody "normal" should want what we want.  I had a psychologist tell me that even if he didn't remember it, that something must have happened in my Top's life to make him want to spank women.  I know for a fact that nothing did, it's just how he's wired.  I, on the other hand, am kinky in SPITE of what happened in my childhood.  If you use that psychologist's reasoning, I should want to be a Top to make up for what happened when I was a kid.  Instead, I've taken ownership of what happened, and because I'm wired the way I am, it hasn't turned me into some psychotic person who wants revenge.  Being spanked makes me feel that I can be who I should be.  Confident, extroverted, willing to meet new people and do new things.  Back before I admitted that I was kinky, before I got online, even while I was married I was very repressed.  I would avoid talking about sex, because to me, sex was tied to being spanked, and I couldn't admit that to anybody  I had bought into that "You're sick and twisted if you want to be spanked" mentality, and it made me shy and so introverted that I'm surprised I was even able to get married.  I told my then husband about wanting to be spanked, but it turned out that he was so vanilla that he lacked an imagination when it came to sex.  He halfheartedly tried to spank me, but he had no will of his own, and Topping from the bottom through the whole thing took the joy out of it for me.  I knew he didn't want to do it, and couldn't give me what I wanted, so I stopped asking.  He thought it was weird, because he had been taught that "men shouldn't hit women".  No matter how often I told him that it wasn't like that, I couldn't change that attitude.  Because of how he thought, I didn't feel comfortable about what I wanted and needed, and tried to suppress it except for fantasizing during sex.  After we separated, I was right at the point where I was going to give it up because I thought that if I didn't want to be spanked anymore I would be "normal" and like everybody else, that I would be cured of this dark thing inside me.  Then I got online and found the newsgroup, and for the first time in my life I realized that the people who wanted to be spanked/wanted to spank were people you would never guess were into it, because they were just like everybody else.  They weren't sick and twisted, weren't so perverted that they couldn't live normal lives AND be into spanking.  I realized that I was like them, that I could have a normal life AND be spanked.  It made me feel normal for the first time in my life.  I had been liberated, and it changed my life.  

I want people who aren't kinky to know what I found out that day 13 years ago.  That being who you're born to be is a good thing, even if it means you want to be spanked, or want to spank somebody.  We aren't some sick and twisted subculture of people who need to be kept underground so that the kids don't find out and want to emulate us.  There are people who think that way, and if they could realize that our fantasies and needs are just as valid and normal as theirs are, we could all live together without those of us who are kinky having to look over our shoulder wondering who knows about us, and what could happen to our lives if anybody did.       

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