Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Dom, sub, or Switch?

Because of my lack of a spanking life at the moment, I have a definite lack of posts. So, when I came across the 30 Days of Kink idea, it seemed like a way to generate a bunch of posts.  I'll have to write a couple posts a day to catch up!

I'm not actually any of the three in the title.  I'm a Bottom.  At least 95%.  I've had Top-ish fantasies over the years, but the thought doesn't last long enough for me to consider actually topping anybody.  It's the reason I'm also not a switch.  The Top fantasies have only flared a few times over the twelve years that I've been in the scene, and that wouldn't be fair to somebody I was in a relationship with.  It would give them absolutely no chance to get spanked unless we went to parties and they could get spanked by somebody else.  I did promise a friend years ago (Hi Helen!) that if we ever met in real life that I would top her, but I don't see me doing it on a regular basis.  I will delight in spanking her, because I know how much she wants and needs it, not because I'm so into it that it's a major turn on for me.  I do like to see a red bare bottom though, so that part will be a bonus. : )

Early on in my journey to who I am now, I considered being a sub.  I occasionally have some submissive tendencies, but only with the friend who tops me.  He gets me to the place where I want to do whatever he wants or needs.  It never lasts all that long, but it's nice for a limited time.  I don't like being locked into rules about my kink.  I may decide to play at being submissive in a scene, but it's not who I am on a regular basis.  I do understand what a gift submission is for the Dominant.  For someone to trust another person enough to offer themselves, body and soul, to be controlled as the Dominant sees fit, is to make yourself completely vulnerable.  I can do that, and have, but again, on a limited basis.  I doubt I could ever be a Domme.  I'm such a control freak that being a Bottom is my chance to give up all of that.  For me, being a Domme AND a control freak could be a dangerous mix!

I completely understand why other people are subs or Doms or switches.  The variations of our kink are diverse and wonderful.  When I first came onto the scene I had no idea how many different ways there were to indulge in what we do, but that was over a decade ago, and I have become friends with people who encompass almost all of them.  I can be who I am with my kink friends without wondering if they think I'm weird for wanting to be spanked, and they don't have to worry about me thinking that they're weird for wanting to spank somebody, or to be controlled by somebody. 

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